It’s the stupidest thing, but I feel guilty for not being perfect. There’s a list of things continuously scrolling through my mind: you should really make time to pray with those prayer beads today, you should be reading those books you bought for spiritual growth, you should already have a draft of your next sermon done, you should have taken care of XYZ paperwork weeks ago, you should eat less, you should exercise more instead of sitting around writing, you should write more, you should start a vlog, you should lose weight before you start a vlog, you should call your friends, you should delete Facebook, you should work harder on the church’s Facebook page, &c.
These are all real thoughts I’ve had today.
Can we all agree that we’re all tired, a little bit overwhelmed, and that we’ll never be as in control as we want to be? And can we cultivate compassion for ourselves?
I need to forgive myself for the ways I’ve dropped the ball. I need to mercifully relieve myself of my unrealistic expectations of myself, and find ways to constructively pursue my goals without punishing myself for imperfections. Maybe you’re like me.
Or maybe it’s someone else’s voice that calls for more from you. More than you can give. More than you wanted to give, but your mouth is too full of yes to utter one salutary no.
Well, they don’t get to chip away at you and carve you into their own image. You are not here on earth to fulfill anyone else’s dreams on their behalf. They don’t get to live vicariously through you, taking out all of their self-anger on you. God made no punching bags.
So wherever you find yourself, may you see yourself clearly. May you see a work in progress, both student and teacher, both sculpture and sculptor, both page and author, asymmetrical and balanced, a river that courses within its banks undisturbed by criers and critics. Course on, friend.